SOMEONE ELSE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE
by sbedrocks
Summary: Stef finds out in one of the worst way that Lena is having an affair. what happens next is what follows. 2 shot. Its AU, don't mean to assassinate anyone's fav s just a what could be scenario. also its on the mature side grown up stuff, language etc
1. THE TEXT THAT BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN

DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN ANYTHING OF ABC INCLUDING THEIR CHARACTERS AND SHOWS, ITS ALL THEIR'S.

DON'T OWN OR KNOW ELLEN DeGENERES AT ALL. HER SHOW BELONGS TO HER, ABC & / NBC I THINK... BUT I DO LIKE HER SHOW.

also this is only two chaps, its a short fic i like both Stef and Lena, but i just had to let my imagination run with the whole kiss thing and then some of lifes other stuff.

..

CHP 1 – THE TEXT THAT BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN

Lena and I never hid- anything from each other well the important stuff, we at least made an effort to talk about things, even if it would be a difficult subject, we made the effort to communicate, because there was a lesson to be learned from so many of our other friends marriages falling apart. Well at least there was for me, I guess not so much for Lena. I never thought that there would be something my life partner of 15 years would keep from me but there was- is something she did.

I can't forgive her, even though she's asking me to, I can't ever forgive her because it was intentional on her part and her 'WANTING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE' wanting to not be with me. I guess I should have listened to her ex-girlfriend Gretchen who warned me that Lena was in love with the idea of being married but eventually she would get bored of it all, get bored of being the same, doing the same things over and over and eventually get bored of her partner because there was no mystery to them anymore, there would be no appeal once she got what she wanted which is why she never proposed marriage to her in the first place at least not while they were still young maybe when they are a little older. I thought I had gotten the older, mature Lena, serious about commitment.

How wrong I was and how so very fucking right Gretchen was.

 **~ FB~ 12 hours earlier**

"Buzz-buzz…" a phone buzzed on the bed, where I sat trying to finish typing up the last sentence of the report I had brought home with me because it needed to be done and on the sarge's desk first thing in the morning. Not paying attention to the identical phones, which had the identical screen savers I grabbed the phone that had lit up and swiped my finger across the screen to open it, hitting the message icon a tick later…

 _"_ _I need you Lena… please- I promise it's the last time…M."_

When I looked at the number and name that sent it, a sick feeling of dread began to take over, this can't be what I think it is, I had to be misinterpreting the meaning of the words, but my everything screamed I wasn't, that it was exactly what I was thinking. I shook my head to rid the voice that wouldn't shut up now. No it had to be a mistake, it could be that Monte was going through a breakup or something else personal and Lena being her friend was helping her through it, I mean Monte was straight and she and Lena were principal and vice principal so they always worked closely together… there wasn't-couldn't be more to the sudden late meetings at school she and Monte sometimes had twice or three times a week… there couldn't be more to the two day conference's she had to attend to two months in a row with Monte for two Thursday-Saturday weekend… NO! She was overthinking things, she had to be, I mean Lena wouldn't do that to me with Monte –who was straight-would she? Hearing the tap somewhere in her subconscious turn off signaling Lena done with her nightly duties, Stef, closed the message window and placed the phone back on the bed besides hers and then closed the case file, removing her glasses.

"Hey babe you finish with your report?"

"Yeah- so I am gonna just hurry up and brush my teeth… um are we going to you know after?"

"If it's alright with you babe, I'm tired can I take a rain check, I promise we'll get together this weekend."

"Yeah-its fine good night love." I said with a tight smile before heading to the bathroom.

 ** _'_** ** _Lena's cheating on you-you stupid cow, she is… all the signs are there, the text is all the proof you need…'_** screamed the voice in my head, the same voice I listened to when I am doing my job because it's my instinct and its almost never wrong… oh how I wish this one time it was dead wrong about what I think my wife is doing behind my back.

I took a little longer in the bathroom, just looking at my reflection in the mirror asking myself if my wife was really having an affair with the principal who is supposed to be as straight as they come. I wondered if my wife of two years had fallen out of love with me. I wondered if not really dealing with the issue of us losing the baby had manifested itself into this what I think my wife is doing, has become…. I mean we talked about it but she kept saying she was fine, I wanted to be there for her but she told me she was fine, that we needed to move on and she will, that we both will but what if she hasn't? Somehow this –I hate to think it but somehow I know I am too be blamed…. with work, with the Callie situation, with the Ana situation, I mean the last time Lena and I were intimate was….a three weeks ago- it was my birthday but then work got more hectic and I also had to take on more hours because we needed the money after Lena's hospital bills and I thought we were managing everything, I thought we were keeping an open line of communication so when and if it is true when did Lena become this other person and why? Did I push her into it because- because I was trying to keep things together, trying to take the pressure of her having to pay the major bills because she earned a bit more than me? Besides having seven mouths to feed.

"No Stef-stop it, she wouldn't not your Lena, she wouldn't do that to you, it's just crazy talk, the text didn't mean that and you need to stop over thinking it now." Stef chastised her reflection in the mirror. She turned the tap on and cupped the cold water splashing her face with it and then hurried with brushing her teeth, before cutting the bathroom light and crawling into bed next to her already sound asleep wife, but forsaking to out her bedside lamp just yet.

Stef lay on her back, willing sleep to come and willing the voice in her head to stop talking. She breathed in and out trying to find some kind of calm and peace, she turned on her side facing Lena's back, she moved in a little closer to her wife, who did not even budge, maybe she could change Lena's mind about not having sex right now because right now that is what she needed to shut the voice up and find some peace at last to fall asleep. She pushed the blanket of her wife's waist to her hips gently running that same hand up her hips to her waist lifting her night shirt higher to expose beautiful, warm, soft caramel skin. She shifted some sliding lower down the bed to bring her face into contact with the skin she wanted to kiss and taste so badly, also it was a sensitive spot for her wife having that skin between her waist and hips kissed and licked, however Stef pulled up short… there was no mistaking it, the fading bruise of a bite mark, or it could genuinely be a bruise from her bumping her skin against something, her skin was sensitive like that and bruised easily, so that could explain the fading bruise, but then I would also be trying to act blind to what was so blatantly obvious, lying next to me in my bed was cheater…. My Lena is a cheating, lying, deceitful, manipulative woman whom I love more than I can say in words and yet she would do me like this.

Anger unlike anything I have ever felt enveloped me, it urged me to confront her now, I wanted to yet I had to be rational and I didn't want to wake the kids and maybe, just maybe Lena would be able to explain away all my insecurities, my mad thoughts if I asked her and I was going to ask her, because I would only torture myself trying to keep this knowledge within waiting for her to slip up possibly, no I must be going crazy and I was going to put an end to it all once and for all come the morning, as soon as the kids left for school. Pulling the sheet back up to cover Lena some, Stef grabbed both their phones this time and slipped out the bedroom. She tiptoed quietly through the house to the kitchen and out to the back porch, thankful that she didn't have to turn on any lights as there was a house light on outside already. She quickly placed a call to mike, asking him to stop by within the hour and collect the file as she would not be going into work early as she had a family issue to deal with. He was working the night shift till 6 am so it was better to send the file now she didn't know if she was up for the drive and she also wanted him to hand it over personally to the chief. She placed her phone on the cushion next to her after ending the call and picked up Lena's, and going straight to her message history. There was only texts in here exchanged between her and me and the children and one from Monte about getting together to discuss the application for the new school grant, but that was it, nothing else incriminating except for the one text in her inbox from Monte…sounding very much like a text one would send to lover, it was too personal to be just a friend text, but what if it was just a friendly text and Monte really was going through a rough time with something personal.?

" ** _Don't be a fool Stef you know you're instinct is usually almost always right about things and its right about what you are thinking, your wife is having an affair with her principal."_**

Stef was alerted to mikes arrival by a text, she hurried inside and grabbed the file off the counter and headed out the back to head round the front…

"Hey Stef everything alright?"

"Hey mike, yeah I hope, it's not life and death if that's what you're thinking but Lena and I have something to do in the morning after the kids head to school, I'll be in work later to cover the hours I am late I'll call the cap later and let him know, but thanks –really I mean it for doing me this solid."

"Aw it's no biggie Stef, well I hope you and Lena get through with whatever, I mean if you guys need a night to yourselves I'd be happy to watch the kids."

"Thanks mike but it's not that kind of situation, so I better be heading back to bed before she misses me, thanks again mike."

"Welcome Stef, see ya later." He said waving the file and heading back to his car parked two cars down.

I did go back up the stairs to place Lena's phone on the night stand but did not go back to bed, my thoughts were to rampant and my anger was simmering slowly, because of the confrontation I knew was to come and I hope to god I was wrong, I didn't mind having to beg and grovel at my wife's feet to forgive me for accusing her of such things, it would only strengthen my resolve to make an even greater effort to try and work out whatever little niggling issues that still surrounded us. I was wired to the core, I felt like a caged animal wanting its freedom, I slipped on my hoodie and a pair of running shoes and headed out for a run, maybe that would help calm me and clear my mind. By 12am things were no better as I started my run back towards home, by the time I got in I headed to the garage and started cleaning, we had a lot of stuff that needed to be sorted and thrown away or given away and since I couldn't sleep I guess now would be a good time to make a dent into that task that we all had been putting off for the last couple months.

52 boxes, 10 garbage bag full of clothes and 4 hours later I was done sorting everything, each labeled **'throwaway/giveaway'** … ' **Keep'** … and two as ' **unsure who's stuff is this'** … looking at te time I knew the kids would start getting up in a bit so I decided to prepare a nice breakfast for us all. I started the batter for the pancakes and then scrambled some eggs, bacon, I cut up some fruits, made fresh orange juice and set the table.

"Morning mom…" I heard Brandon say behind me before leaning against my side.

"Hey son, sleep alright?"

"Uhhmm-you're up early where is mama?"

"Sleeping, but I made us all breakfast so you better dig in before the others get here."

"What's bothering you, I have only ever seen you cook this much when you're stressed and if you have cooked this much food that means you also organized the garage junk."

"Nothing and I just felt like cooking and cleaning."

"No-mom," he said nibbling on a piece of bacon as he sat down and started to help himself."

"B I swear I am fine, I just couldn't sleep, work you know and I figured since I was up I would cook and clean it helps to clear my mind when I am stuck."

"Okay, but you'll tell me if anything is wrong right?"

"Yeah B, I always do."

"Okay." He replied stuffing a whole pancake in his mouth.

"Hey chew your food."

"I have to get in the shower before Mariana she uses up all the hot water."

"But breakfast tastes great mom." He replied chugging down a glass of OJ.

Soon, Jesus, Jude, Callie and Marianna entered the kitchen and Brandon ran out shouting he was going to bathe first, mariana turned around and headed after him, but was too late as the bathroom door slammed shut Brandon safely inside.

"Brandon, you're such a punk, you're supposed to let a lady use the bathroom first."

She didn't clearly hear what Brandon was saying and so headed back downstairs once more.

Everyone had eaten and gotten ready for school and Lena had yet to make an appearance. When they did leave Stef washed the wares used and then took a seat on the sofa and waited. She didn't know what she was going to say exactly or how to start it but she had to know she had to get this thing out, she was nervous and scared at the same time-on one hand she thought it was better to be wrong about what she was thinking when Lena confirmed things for her and on the other hand she wondered if Lena would tell the truth or lie to her.

Twenty minutes later she heard the door open and Lena frantically run down the stairs shouting…

"Brandon-callie-Jesus, why didn't someone wake….STEF!"

"Morning love…"

"WH-what are you doing home?"

"I decided to take the morning of as I have something I need to discuss with you."

"Did you turn of my alarm?"

"I did, you're the VP I'm sure the principal can handle things for a couple hours without you."

"What- Stef what is going on with you this morning?"

"I made breakfast, saved you a plate lets go sit in the kitchen while you eat."

"I-um okay." Lena faltered following Stef into the kitchen, Stef held the chair for her, then placed the plate in front of her and set a fresh cup of hot coffee in front of her.

"Lena looked at the lavish breakfast spread… "Wow!" she breathed out

"Don't be so surprised, I can cook to you know."

"I –I know but it's a lot, is it my birthday, is it an important date today that I forgot?

"No love, I just felt like cooking a nice breakfast for everyone, since I had a lot of time on my hands."

"Did you sleep at all, why are you in running clothes?"

"I couldn't really sleep last night had a lot going on in my head and then I went for a run that also didn't help to clear my head_"

"Did you clean out the garage?"

"You know me so well love."

"I should and it's your go to when you're stressed about something, so what is it… work? Mike? A case?" Lena fired off before digging into her laden plate.

Stef just shook her head a wry smile on her face, how well Brandon and Lena knew those things about her, so maybe all this was just in her head after all but she still needed to ask. She watched Lena eat everything on her plate before finishing her coffee.

"Stef really thank you it was a wonderful breakfast surprise I am stuffed till I feel very lazy."

"Thanks, it was nothing so you up for the discussion now?" Stef asked leaning forward on the table.

"I am, just hope I don't doze off on you."

"I- I don't know how to say this or ask for that matter- but um you know I love you right?" Stef asked waiting for a reply

"I do and I love you to."

"Good-good and you know I trust you with my all right?" again she waited for a reply

"As do I you hun-Stef what's the matter, you're scaring me?"

"You also know I would never do anything to hurt you right and there is no one else for me right?"

"I know I feel the same way about you to." Lena replied a smile on her face, nothing betraying about her features.

"So it's all in my head that I think you'd cheat on me with someone else right?"

"What! Hun what makes you think that?" Lena said reaching for Stef's hand on the table, "Baby I love you more than I can put into words and you make me so happy, you also made my dreams come through on having a big family we have five wonderful kids and I wouldn't change anything about it at all."

"But you haven't answered my question." Stef said looking her dead in the eyes and then she saw it, the little quiver tick of her lips when she was hiding something

"Stef where is all this coming from, what happened to make you feel this way or think those things?"

"Lena all I want to know is the truth, tell me outright that it's not true."

"Stef-baby it's not true." She said looking Stef in the eye but again unable to hide that little tick of her lips quivering as she lied to Stef's face.

"Is there something going on between you and Monte?"

"WHAT! Stef she is my co-worker, the principal, my superior for god sakes, of course there is something going on between us… a working relationship is what, I-the school needs her to help us get funds."

"I don't mean like that, I meant personally, you two always alone after school, meeting two-three times a week, traveling for monthly conferences, it was-is all to do with the school needs right?"

"Yes baby, there is nothing going on between me and Monte, she is the principal and also a friend that's it."

"So-what did she mean by that text she sent you last night?"

"Sh-she texted me-you read my messages… why…? You had no right to go through my phone Stef."

"I have every right to, we don't keep things from each other, or we'd have locks on our phones and you never had a problem with it before the many other times you asked me to check your message when you got one and you were preoccupied with something else."

"We don't need locks on our phones because I trust you Stef, I just didn't think you would invade my little privacy like that without asking me first."

"Do you really trust me? Or did you think I was just that stupid being a lowly paid cop and not highly educated like you with the fancy degrees and what not?"

"Stef what is the meaning of this, I don' think you're stupid or care how much money you make you could be a waitress for all I care I would still love you."

"Are you sure, or maybe Monte would have come along anyway and you would have run of with her because she can give you so much more than I and also she is not in danger everyday of not coming home to you, because she might get shot at or killed someway while working in the job I am?"

"Stef-baby… Monte and I are just friends, she meant nothing by the text, what did the text say?"

"Check your message and you tell me." Stef snapped Lena reached in her pocket and pulled out her phone and went to her message inbox… Stef paid close attention to her face wanting to see the look of recognition that she had been found out on her face….

Lena swallowed hard and finally bit her lip to hide the now blatant quiver…

"So how are you going to spin your masterful lie now, what are you going to say to convince me that I am over reacting, that I am paranoid, that my wife isn't fucking her friend… her coworker… her principal, who the school needs to bring in funds for them and who is also very fucking straight? What Lena? How far will you stretch your lie, how much more do you think you can blindside me, I want the truth Lena I want the fucking truth now or so help me god no one will be able to find both your bodies."

"Stef-please… it was nothing, it wasn't anything, and it's been over a very long time now."

"Are you fricking kidding me, how long has it been over Lena?"

"As soon as it started with a mistaken kiss_"

"When did the kiss happen?"

"At work, she has become sort of a friend-when I couldn't talk to you about losing the baby, she listened to me, I just needed to talk without being fucking judged and she helped me through that little period because we had so much going on at home, callie and Jude adoption, Ana and the baby, and I know you said if I wanted to talk you would listen but you were always so tired pulling the extra hours because I know we needed the money and we had our own stuff going on at the school trying to keep programs because we were told we had to make cuts but Monte said if we got the grant then we wouldn't have to cut anymore programs, she has some good connections and then the school board called about a donation being made to anchor bay in the form of a grant for the next two years and it just felt like a huge weight of our shoulders, my shoulders mostly and then we were celebrating getting the new grant for the school, I mean it was just a bit of Champaign and then she kissed me and for a sec I kissed her back but then told her I couldn't that I was married."

"Why was it so hard for you to talk to me…? When have I ever been judgmental of you? I thought we were communicating? No matter what's going on here in this home I need to know that you're alright, that you're still happy in this relationship, this family, with me and you really mean to say that couldn't simply talk to me, no matter how tired I am or was I would have fought that and listened to you if you wanted someone to listen, I am your bloody wife Lena, I stopped being your girlfriend when we made a commitment to each other… for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, till death do us part…what's yours is mine and mines is yours- so your problems, worries, fears, grief, hurt they are mine as your life partner."

"Stef- I –I didn't want to be a burden, you were short sometimes with me when I did try to talk to you and I didn't want to add to the stress."

"I wasn't done talking yet…"

"Stef there is nothing."

"Do you swear on our children's life-my life?"

"Stef I've never had to swear on our children's life and I won't start now, you either trust that I am telling you the truth or not."

"Alright fine humor me… what did Monte need you one last time for?"

"She needed me to talk, she went through a nasty breakup with her then fiancé, and I was just paying her the same courtesy she gave me when I needed someone to talk to."

"And she couldn't talk to you after school, at the lunch break, why does she need you to meet her wherever?"

"It's not very professional to discuss your personal problems at school where anyone can overhear it."

"But drinking alcohol is acceptable, kissing a married woman is acceptable- I mean JUST HOW FUCKING STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM LENA…? I AM A COP FOR GOD SAKE- you had to know I would have caught onto you eventually, I mean my god who are you, what have you done with my wife, the sweet, honest, caring, kind, loving, FAITHFUL, woman I married, whom I have loved since I first laid eyes on her fifteen years ago, where is that woman Lena?"

"She's right fucking here Stef, staring you in the face …just-Stef please listen, nothing is going on…"

"I don't believe you, you are looking me in the face and directly lying to me, why, why are you fucking around on me, why did you have to do me that way Lena?"

"I –Stef please just listen."

"Listen, you cannot spin this again, it's out-YOUR FUCKING SECRET IS OUT! Gretchen was so right about you… you finally grew tired of me, tired of being permanently locked down in a committed relationship and of the kids, was it too much being a mother to them all, did being a wife become too much for you?"

"That's not true Stef and it's unfair, I am still your Lena, still that woman you met the first time… you know me Stef." Lena said finally breaking on a sob

"I thought I did, but I don't anymore, and I guess this is all my fault- I can't believe I never saw it before till now- I guess that means you know me all too well… know how long you could carry on this shit right beneath my nose knowing that I would never suspect you even fathom you would do such a thing to me… you know how I work-when I work-who I work with… I trusted you to be working all those late evening when you said you were but you were really fucking her… what about those two weekend you both went away for did you fuck her then at your pretend conference… god fucking damn how stupid and blind I must have been to not have seen it."

"Stef-baby, I swear it wasn't like that."

"Do you even still love me Lena?"

"God Stef-I do-I do so much you're my world Stef you and the kids mean everything to me."

"Do you really believe that-believe your own lies?"

"It's not a lie it's the truth I love you Stef."

Stef stood from the table and walked around to Lena's side, grabbing her arm and pulling her up on her feet… "If it was over the moment it started then how the fuck do you explain that fading hickey mark at the curve ending dip on your hip…" Stef snarled raising Lena's shirt to show her just where the mark was… "Come on-tell me Lena because I certainly didn't put it there… are you going to tell me you fell down? Bumped into a door? What Lena-? What fucking sweet lie are you going to tell me to explain away a love bite that I didn't put there?"

"Stef please I can explain…"

"Explain what? Do you really think I am some dumb stupid Blonde? Is that it…?" Stef cried out on a sob, finally giving in and succumbing to a pain she never felt before, her thoughts running like a train wreck… how could this happen to her-them? When did her wife become this other person? What was she going to do? How was she going to keep this from the kids? Was there any hope for them to recover? Could they work this out? She, hurt- she hurt so much, Lena had fucking hurt her more than anyone, more than a fucking bullet ever could and how did this happen?

Stef wanted to fight, she did infact attempt to get out of Lena's hold, Lena was kneeling in front of her hugging her, crying with her to and if she had any strength left she would, but everything had just been taken from her, her happy home had just come crashing down. She sobbed harder.

"Babe-I am sorry, Stef please just listen, we can get through this, and I'm sorry baby I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant for it to get so out of hand Stef baby I'll do anything to get your trust back just please give me another chance to make it up to you, please don't say it's over we can make this work, we can get through this I swear I can fix this and fix us I swear it baby."

"NO! - GET AWAY." Stef growled pushing Lena hard enough to break free of her grasp

"This isn't about a simple, one time kiss, I would have been forgiving of that but this is about the affair that you are carrying on with fucking principal-your fuck body Monte, my kids go to that damn school and do you know what this will do to them, when they find out that their mama has been whoring herself out to the principal of their school, do you think they can live with that kind of shame? Do you think they or I deserved what you have done to us, how you have destroyed us? DO YOU LENA?" Stef screamed scrambling to her feet

"Stef wait, just give me a chance –let's talk about it baby, it meant nothing to me, she means nothing."

"Now she means nothing…? Now it means nothing, you should have thought of that first before you fucking started fucking her, there is nothing you can do to fix any of this, further more I don't want to see you."

"I am not going anywhere Stef, just let me explain."

"EXPLAIN? You want to explain what another lie, say that she forced you into it, did she threaten to fire you if you didn't fuck her- what Lena, what is there to explain except that my life partner, my damn wife of less than two years grew bored of me in our marriage, grew tired of the predictability, grew tired of the same routine and now I believe holds me responsible for you miscarrying."

"NO-NO that's not fair Stef you are not responsible for that we both aren't it just wasn't meant to be with the baby and I am not bored or tired of you and our life- it's just I don't know- it was different,, having another woman desire me like that at all."

"So what you needed me to tell you every time how beautiful you are, that I love you, didn't I do that and showed you that?"

"It's not that Stef, it's just- I felt a spark, I s-sort of came… alive under the new attention when I had been feeling so depressed about losing the baby and disappointing you because I couldn't even do such a simple thing as carry our baby to term."

"I never blamed you for the miscarriage, these things happen Lena and I didn't love you any less."

"I know, but I couldn't look myself in the mirror and it honestly wasn't going to go further than that first mistake kiss, for two weeks I thought everything had gone back to normal between us, then Monte corners me in my office on a lunch break-she had a dream about me and she couldn't forget how my lips felt against hers and she had never been with a woman nor attracted to one until me and she just wanted to be with a woman and she wanted it to be a friend, someone she could trust and she wanted me and when she kissed me again something in me just gave in and we did it in my office bathroom."

"Did you use your mouth on her…?"

"Ste_"

"Did you fucking eat her pussy or not Lena?"

"Y-yes."

"How long have you two been fucking?"

"It's not like that, it's not a relationship it's just for a day or a couple hours I can be someone else, not be the proper uptight mother, not be the dull housewife, who goes straight home to her family after work because she has nothing else to do, I –I just get to be someone different and that's the whole drive behind it."

"WOW! How often did you two pretend to be somebody else?"

"Once a week- we would just touch each other to get off_"

"Because it was a thrill, it was daring knowing that you could get caught anytime and yet you still fucked her anyway and then you come home to me and kiss me with that same mouth, how could you Lena, what did I ever do to deserve you doing this to me, shattering my life like you have, what was it Lena? Did you miss the thrill of when we first met and I was still married to mike, but confused about my sexuality… is Monte confused about her sexuality, does she need you to confirm that she is one hundred percent a diehard lesbian, that she really loves pussy and not dick?"

"God no Stef, it-I-it was just different it made me feel different."

"Which leads back to my original conclusion and Gretchen words being right, you grew bored of plain ol' boring vanilla Stef… I am sorry that my job sometimes fucked with our personal life, I am sorry that I don't have as many fancy degrees as you and Monte, I am sorry I stopped pleasing you, stopped making you happy, I am sorry that we lost the baby because I wasn't always forth coming about the things I didn't always be straight wit you about, callie's adoption and threatening Robert and the Ana baby situation- just a handful of small things I wasn't forth coming with but it's because I didn't want you to undertake any of the stress I wanted you to focus on the baby… I took on the extra hours because I knew with the time of you would take and then the hospital bills it would be a lot to undertake s I was trying to do my part but I guess it was for nothing in the end… but I never once stepped out on you, it never even crossed my mind, I mean I thought we were so happy, even when we were last intimate for my birthday, but if you had told me that you needed sex like every fucking other day and that you wanted to role play then I could have done that I would have tried my damn hardest to satisfy you."

"That's just it Stef, it wasn't about the sex- I can satisfy myself on my own we have enough toys for me to do that, there is no other way I can explain it than I just wanting to once in a while be someone else, be fun and daring and exciting and not so tired and depressed and frustrated with the way our life was going, we stopped having fun Stef, we stopped being adventurous, there was no spontaneity… it's just her attention made me feel different and I liked it at first."

"You mean you still like it because you're still fucking her and lying to me, and if I didn't see that text or spot that fading hickey then I would still be clueless to what a lying, cheating, two timing, manipulative bitch my wife is."

"Stef we can work this out that hickey was from three days ago, I ended it for good then with her."

"A little too late for that now isn't it, so I want you gone, get out this house right now, pack your shit and leave or I am going to throw it all out."

"This is my home to Stef, my name is on the lease, where do you want me to go?"

"Go be with the fucking bitch, your new best friend, your somebody else that makes you feel alive since I make you feel dead, depressed, bored, since I cannot give you the adventurous life you so desperately want."

"Stef, hun- I am sorry I am- just give me a chance to make this all up to you, I am not giving up on you and my home or our kids. I need them and they need me, you're all I have."

"Not anymore, you lost all of it the moment you started this affair, I can't ever trust you again Lena, because you lied to me and kept lying and deceiving me, fucking abusing my trust in you and I won't have you do that to our children."

"Stef I won't go."


	2. THE END SOMETIMES BRINGS A NEW BEGINNING

**CHP 2 – THE END SOMETIMES BRINGS A NEW BEGINNING.**

.

.

.

"Stef I won't go."

"You will and then I am going to sit the kids down tonight and let them know what's happened."

"Hun you can't this will crush them, they will hate me, and it's unfair of you Stef to turn our kids against me."

"I don't have to you did that all on your own when you fucked the principal's cunt, you broke their trust in you when you kissed her, you broke my trust in love and marriage for good Lena the moment you wanted to be different and started fucking her, I am never going to love or trust another person the way I blindly trusted and loved you and bent over backwards to give you everything."

"Stef please-at least let me tell them."

"No… I will tell them… the truth… and it's up to them if they want to see you and speak to you but know that I don't ever want to see you, or speak to you again, further more expect to be served with divorce papers very shortly also don't try and contest for anything because you deserve nothing, you already took what you needed to, from all of us."

"Haven't you ever wanted to be someone else for a day, let go of all the shit weighing you down and just really let go?"

"No and if I did then I would want it to be with you, I would have asked my mother or mike to look after the kids, take you away for the weekend and just let go with you."

"Stef I'm sorry- but I was depressed."

"So fucking depressed you self-diagnosed and self-prescribed a solution to your problem… by fucking the first straight chick that pays you any attention. If you'd been worried about therapy you shouldn't have I would have afforded it for you because you're my wife and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

"I know."

"So for the last time I am asking… how long have you been fucking Monte?"

"Just about a month but it's only been a handful of times."

"My god, you just can't give me a straight answer can you? It's considered cheating when you willingly kiss another woman, finger another woman, eat another woman's pussy, or help her get off however you both got off and even worst when they have reciprocated… so tell me Lena did she eat that pussy good? Does she know where to touch you or what turns you on?-NO! Don't answer that she must know if she's leaving fucking hickeys in the dip of your hips which I know is one of your many erogenous spots."

"Stef please don't do this, we can work it out…Stef-please…it was a complete mistake my first mistake… I won't ever do that again now that I've gotten it out my system."

" **WELL I WON'T GET WHAT YOU DID OUT MY SYSTEM EVER** ….We won't ever work this out, I don't even want to touch you or see you and I feel so sick at all the other times you touched me and kissed me not knowing you have put 'YOUR MOUTH' on another woman… and how stupid are you…first mistake- getting it out your system- so it would only be fair If I do the same right, go fuck another woman to get it out my system. You just don't get it do you?"

"I was safe and always clean."

"And what you think it makes it better..? **IT FUCKING DOESN'T LENA…!** I am never going to be rid of the feeling of your betrayal on my skin and lips. I never knew I could hate someone so much in the next breath as I do you, get out of my home, my life, I don't want to see you and don't ever try to contact me."

"Stef you don't mean that… I know I was wrong and I don't care if I have to beg and grovel for years I will until you forgive me and give me another chance."

" **NEVER BITCH! NEVER**! My kids and I will never be able to live this down."

"This is between you and I Stef_"

" **SHUT UP! STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHAT CLEARLY WAS, NOT A MISTAKE ON YOUR PART.** " Stef screamed sweeping the dishes of the table breaking the few pieces of glass wares. Before wiping at the hot tears running down her cheeks. "You just don't get it at all."

"Baby_"

"Don't fucking call me that ever again, this is over because of your suppose mistake but it shouldn't even have been a mistake… there is a difference between ' **DOING WRONG'** and ' **BEING WRONG' LENA…** a mistake is mixing the white clothes with the red clothes… a mistake is mistaking my phone for yours… a mistake is dialing the wrong fucking number, a mistake is marrying your child father because of fear but what you did was no mistake, you were quite conscious of what you were doing because you kept on doing it also so it was no longer a fucking mistake it was intentional… but you figured I was too stupid and blindly in love with you and I wouldn't ever know… and maybe I was to blinded by love to not see or smell the shit going on right under my nose, but I still didn't deserve any of it."

"Stef –I fucked up I know that but still_"

"Still! - **YOU'RE STILL TRYING TO JUSTIFY BEING AN ADULTERER? REALLY!** What is it Lena… did you think I would roll over and pretend that we still had a chance? Did you think that I was lucky to get a woman like you? That I can't do better than you? Well that's where you're wrong… Gretchen and the other bitches before me can't even compare, it's why they left your ass or cheated on your ass because they thought they were too good for you, that you couldn't do better than them and you thought so to obviously which is why you forgave them until they did it again to you… but I've got news for you Lena Adams … you Lena Adams- you were lucky to ever get a woman like me… and you took me for granted. How could I be worth so little to nothing to you, for you to do this to me?"

"I know_" Lena hiccuped on a sob

"Do you really…? I don't think you do realize what you have lost in me and our family? I loved you with all your flaws, I took away your insecurities when they made you feel less than confident or not pretty enough, remember- when you were with Gretchen how she said that you could be prettier if you got a fucking boob job, boobs, ass, pretty face it didn't matter to me one way or the other just like you said it didn't matter I had stretch marks I was still beautiful to you… so what changed Lena? Is it because Monte is younger than me, fills out skirts or dresses better than me? Isn't too rough around the edges like me? More feminine and gentle like you…? Is it because you both have more in common since you work in the same field… is it because you're both highly educated… what happened to opposites attract?

"Baby-Stef… none of that matters I still love you, just forgive me this one mistake, at least let me try and make this up to you- please baby."

"Lena I get that you're human as am I and we all make mistakes, I have made my share of mistakes, but nothing like what you have done. You can't make this up to me because you can't undo any of it, you can't undo fucking her repeatedly, and you can't undo knowing that it's wrong what you were doing yet still continued anyway."

"God Stef I fucked up royally but we can get pass this I know we can, if you would only not place me on that damn pedestal."

" **PEDESTAL?** Are you for real? What pedestal…? I never fucking put you on any pedestal, I looked at us as equals color of skin be damned, I saw you as what I have always seen myself as… a woman, a mother, a loyal friend, a confidant, someone to share my life with… I never once thought you were out of my reach, if I did then we would have been over with long before. I never had great expectations of you, except you loving me unconditionally as much as I loved you, you understanding me like no one else can. I didn't ever expect you to hurt me this way and for you to expect me to just sweep it under a bloody rug. I can't…

"I forgave you Stef for a lot of things that hurt me." Lena was grasping desperately for something.

"Like what?" Stef said placing her hands on her hips now one eyebrow cocked in surprise.

"You forgot our anniversary three times… and when you refused to attend my cousin's wedding… forgetting to drop Jesus and Marianna at the airport to spend their first vacation with my parents."

"You really want to compare those to what you have done? It wasn't my fault that i had to work nor my fault mike couldn't control his drinking… and your bloody cousin Philip is racial, he never approved of us from day one and he only put your name on the invitation… and it wasn't my fault that I got pulled into a man hunt that lasted all of two days that I forgot you had that thing at school for the new kids registering for the new term, all of that is easy to forgive Lena because that's exactly what it was… but you having an affair is so much more, it speaks volumes, it's a loud and clear message… **I. DO. NOT. MAKE. MY. WIFE. HAPPY. NOR. DO. I. SATISFY. HER. ANYMORE."**

 **"THAT'S NOT TRUE STEF YOU DO-YOU DO SO MUCH FOR ME_** " Lena calmed down then with those words then continued "_always have, you're the most caring, and compassionate and loving, and sometimes understanding woman I know, whom I still love very much, which is why I know if we try we can get pass this, one indiscretion." Lena pleaded trying to get closer to Stef who tentatively took two steps back

"You loved me then Lena and I loved you enough to forgive a lousy kiss, I would have been hurt but I would have got passed it, however this is more than a kiss, it's about my wife being very intimate with another woman that isn't me."

"Stef please I am begging you if not for us then, at least do it for our children."

 **"WOW!** For the kids? Did you fuck Monte for the kids benefit? Was it to help improve their grades? Or make sure that Brandon's music class, Jesus wrestling club, Marianna cheer-leading committee, Callie and Jude's English class don't get axed from the curriculum? Did you do this all for them?"

 **"DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ME SOUND LIKE SOME CHEAP PROSTITUTE STEF?"** Lena spat hotly anger rising steadily

"If it falls in your garden, you should definitely plant t."

"Just think about the kids Stef please, they need me to."

"I am right now and I don't know who you are anymore and I won't even- No! I can't even pretend that this is fixable, it's going to hurt the kids, they might even think they are responsible to some degree for what's happened to us and that's where I am going to focus my energy on, making sure they never blame themselves for any of this because it isn't any of their fault that you no longer love me."

"I do still Stef and I know you love me still you know you do-Stef-please just_"

"I do love you Lena– but what's the old saying 'what you don't know won't hurt you…! But here's the thing also Lena… I. DO. FUCKING. KNOW…wh-which is why it's fucking killing me because I don't think I can stop myself from killing you-both… s-so-please leave now and never come back." Stef said loud enough through her cries while holding onto the wall for support hand clutched to her chest over her heart.

 **.**

 **LATER THAT NIGHT**

.

Stef had cried and cried till she started to dry heave, unable to control her breathing for the most part because it really fucking hurt to breathe at all and cry at the same time. She hadn't even noticed when Lena left. It wasn't until two hours later as she got to her room and climbed into the shower and was then changing into a change of clothes that she noticed the piece of paper on her pillow.

She should throw it away without a second look, but maybe Lena had been able to tell the truth because she couldn't tell her to her face…

 **"Stef,**

 **Please –please let me earn your trust back. I love you. I always will. I need you. I always will. I am still your Lena and baby I swear even if it takes the rest of my life I will make this one grave mistake up to you and our family I swear I will."**

 **Love Lena.**

I crumbled the paper and dropped it into the waste basket next to the bed. She doesn't understand that it's not a mistake, if you have screwed that person repeatedly. She might be fine with lying to me and herself but I'm not. I can't even fathom pretending that we're going to be alright that we are going to make it through this rain of hell because we won't, we can't, because I can't simply forgive her no matter how much I love her.

I know every relationship has its obstacles but this, what she did to me and our family wasn't inflicted by a stranger, it was done by her the one person who I never thought could hurt us. I can't be united in fighting for something she no longer believed in which is why she stepped out on me and our family. Nor was I looking for the upper hand by what I am about to tell our children, I wanted to get it over with now and let them decide what they wanted to do.

I ordered two pizza's and sat on the sofa, I collected the pizza a few minutes before the kids walked in after their evening classes and training etc.

"Hey mom-is mama not well?" Jesus and Jude asked together.

"Hey kiddo-uh is everyone home yet?"

"Yeah"- Brandon, Marianna and Callie chimed in as they all filled the living room area.

Brandon broke away from the bunch and went to his mother side…"hey mom you okay, you seem like you have been crying, is mama not well"

"Uh-I-…" she paused and cleared her throat as he felt a fresh set of tears prickling at the corner of her eyes causing her throat top lock up and voice to become raspy with the unshed tears. "Can everyone take a seat I need to tell you all something and I don't want anyone interrupting till I am finish?" Stef got out in as firm a voice as she could managed though it cracked at the end.

With everyone seated and their attention on her Stef cleared her throat once more…

"Mama and I did not go to work today, something's came up and we needed to discuss it. I can't tell you what all of it is yet but I need to let you all know that at the end of the talk I asked mama to leave because what happened is something that can't be fixed over night between us, however I do not want this in any way to affect your relationship with her as she is still and will always be your mama.

Now for why I asked mama to leave… Um-well- somewhere along the way mama and I wasn't communicating as much with each other and mama went to someone else and they had an affair. We tried to talk about things but we couldn't stop yelling and that's when I decided its best we each take some space and figure out what's next for us, just me and mama. Her affair should not have any major impact on each of your relationship with her. We're both at fault and mama and I will keep you informed of the outcome…. And that's all I have to say for now." Stef said breathing a quiet sigh of relief that she got as much out. And then the silence was broken with all of their cries, of how could she? Why would mama do it? And so on.

Jesus and Brandon who were closer to her got up and hugged her before the rest joined them all covering her.

"I'm so sorry mom."

"Me to kids." She replied before they pulled away.

"So where is mama now? Is she staying with the person?" Mariana asked first

"I don't know but I think she'll probably stay with one of our friends."

"Is the person- someone you know?" Brandon asked

"No."

"Was it because of the baby she lost?" Asked Callie

"A little."

"How are you holding up mom?" asked Jesus

"Honestly bud, I could be better but I'm still alright because I have you guys here still and I just know that everything is going to work out in time."

"Uh-are you-are you guys going to get a divorce?" Jude asked timidly and luckily she had heard him as everyone had quieted down enough.

"It's a delicate matter bud and I don't want to lie to you or any of you for that matter. If mama and I can't get pass this then chances are we will get a divorce."

"So then Callie and I will have to go back into foster care then?"

"What-come here bud…?" she said taking his hand and pulled him onto her lap hugging him and kissing the crown of his head… "Now you listen to me good bud, I'm only saying this once, married or divorced you and Callie are a part of this family now and forever, you're both staying here you are both never going back into foster care, mama and our situation will not have any impact what so ever on whether you get to be my son and daughter you guys are and will always be till the day I die is that clear bud?"

"Okay."

"Okay sport, now if that is all the questions for tonight I got you all pizza, I know you guys might not feel hungry but please I need you all to eat and take care of yourselves as much as possible, I don't want to have to be rushing anyone to the hospital from starvation."

"We won't mom, and thanks for the pizza. Come on guys let's get it while it's still warm and you mom can head on up to bed you look like you really need a good night's rest." Brandon said herding the bunch of them over to the dining table while his mother nodded in approval. Well good night everyone and if you guys don't feel like school tomorrow its fine you're entitled to a day to deal and process things and if you all want to call mama you guys are welcome to but please do it tomorrow."

"Yeah mom, no problem. Good night." They all said together.

.

1 wk l8r

The kids had taken one day off from school but returned to school the following day and each day they were present Lena was absent. So at the beginning of the next week the kids decided that they needed to talk to their mama because they wanted and needed to know her side of the story or as much as she was willing to tell them.

.

Sharon had driven down to stay with Stef and help out with the kids, though it was tough for Stef to work and function normally as possible.

She broke down again telling her mother of all that transpired and took another day off from work, as it got worse during the day when Lena's mother kept calling but she kept declining her calls. She didn't know what to possibly say to her mother-in law, then again she should be happy she never did really like Stef but she tried because of Lena and their kids.

Then the following day Lena started calling again and left her a couple voice messages and text messages which she deleted.

Right now she did not want to see Lena, talk to Lena or her mother and she was going to turn both away if they came knocking at her door. She needed more time to think. The following day she tried to throw herself into work, working through old case files anything to distract her and occupy her mind and she was also avoiding talking with mike, she didn't know if Brandon had said anything to him, she hoped he didn't nor did she want to ask.

.

 **~TUESDAY**

.

The kids were all sitting out in the back yard after dinner, instead of doing their homework.

"I don't know about the rest of ya'll but I'm gonna go find mama after school and talk to her." Jesus said breaking the silence.

"I'm coming with you_" Marianna and Jude said together.

"I can't see her yet, I'm just so angry and sad at what she did that I almost hate her."

"That's not fair Brandon, your father did worse to mom and she forgave him, because he's your father." Marianna said heatedly

"Yeah but they didn't stay together."

"But you love him still don't you?" Marianna asked

"He's my father of course I love him."

"Guys chill." Callie said interrupting the heated stare between the siblings

"What's your opinion on all of this so far Callie, you haven't said anything, is it even affecting you like the rest of us?" Brandon accused.

"Of course it is, but like mom said she and mama will keep us informed, I don't want them to divorce but from experience I can tell you that when a significant other has cheated on the other they claim to love, that trust is broken-sometimes for good and there is no way to get it back and then we're gonna be forced to choose sides and I'm not choosing sides, I love them both together and not simply because they took both Jude and I in when other couples wanted to separate us so whatever they decide I'm going to respect their decision and I'm going to continue to have a relationship with them together or not."

"I agree with cals to." Jesus replied, "Look B I get that mama hurt your mom, after all you're her real son_"

"Oh not this shit again Jesus, mom loves all of us equally."

"I know but- and I love her to but mama she made me feel like a real part of this family because she was different like me, come on man you have to see that we're a dysfunctional bunch, afro American, Hispanic, Caucasian, I'm not making it about race but I felt like I belonged when they were together I didn't always think I was adopted but - and now I dunno, I feel like I'm being torn in half, because they're both not really my mother and I was fine with that because they were together but like I said I dunno… now it feels different- weird with mama not here, I'm aware of the situation and how much worse or ugly it could get, the kids at school are going to have a field day man… I- I just feel my entire life is coming undone and I need to see mama to know something, anything, mostly why."

"Exactly- and I think that's what we all want to know. We can't be the judge of mama's actions, even though she's hurt mom so badly. I am going to hear her side of things and decide what I'll do next but I am not picking a side guys."

"Okay so should we all go see mama tomorrow after school then?"

"I am going to tell mom if ya'll skip school, the right thing to do is to call her and ask her to meet with us."

"No I don't want to ambush her, I want to talk to her on my own, and you guys could go as a group I'll talk to her on my own time."

"Jesus- man, don't be like that, she's gonna tell you the same thing she'll tell us."

"Maybe but I still want to talk to her alone, I have things I need to say and I want to say it to her alone, not in front an audience."

"We're you're brothers and sisters, we care about you, we have to support each other."

"I know, and I know we're all hurting but I just feel this is something I need to do on my own with mama."

 **"YOU'RE GOING TO SIDE WITH HER AND THAT'S JUST SELFISH MAN, SHE CHEATED ON MY MOM.** "

" **BRANDON, CHILL!** " Marianna shouted

"Say whatever you want Brandon- but I'm talking to mama alone…"

"Do you even care that my mom is the one wronged here?"

"You know what I'm not going to get into it with you, further more I have lost my appetite, I'll be in my room, goodnight everyone."

"I think I have lost my appetite too Jude and Marianna said together."

"Yeah, uh me to, I have homework I need to get to anyways." Callie replied getting up and following the rest inside leaving Brandon out on the patio with the pizza.

.

.

The following day Marianna. Callie and Jude nagged Jesus into accepting that the four of them should go see Lena and he reluctantly gave in, before he called his grandmother, Lena's mother. Lena had disconnected her personal phone making her unreachable. He spoke briefly with Lena asking her to meet with him after school. Once he confirmed that she was meeting him after school exactly at 4pm down by the lake they use to frequent as a family, they approached Stef and let her know that they were meeting with Lena after school and they would be home by 6 at the latest.

Stef didn't argue with them and Lena wouldn't dare encourage her children to run off with her taking her side. She knew that Jesus and Marianna also needed to speak to Lena, after all they were more comfortable with Lena here and now well maybe it wasn't going to feel like a home anymore to them, their being adopted would be at the forefront of their mind and she didn't know how else to put them at ease. Hopefully Lena did the right thing by them and not make her out to be some bad person in the end.

After school Callie drove them down to the lake, fifteen minutes later they were driving up the gravel road leading to the lake, they had another ten minutes before Lena arrived or maybe she would be there already. It proved to be the latter. She was already there sitting under their tree on a blanket.

He was the first to run over to her falling to his knees and into her arms…

"Mama- I missed you so much."

"I know baby, I'm sorry I can't be there, you'll never know how sorry I am…that I hurt you."

"I know- still I wanted to see you, talk to you, and find out if you're doing okay for now?"

"Yeah, I'm still trying to hang in there baby, I'm just so worried about you guys, how is your brothers and sisters?"

"They are good, everyone's confused, hurt that's for sure and angry well mostly Brandon and even Marianna a little but I don't think it's only at you… a-and the others did come except for Brandon, callie said she asked him and he said he didn't want to see you right now… b-but I told them I needed to speak with you alone for a minute- you know there are things I wanna say and ask and I didn't want it to be in front of an audience. So Marianna, Callie and Jude are waiting in the car, callie drove us all by the way."

"Thank you for being so considerate Jesus, I really don't deserve it but thank you, because honestly I didn't know if I could look you all in the eyes and try to explain how I hurt mom and all of you. It was a stupid thing to do and within the time I have been alone thinking I realize that there is no way that mom could ever forgive me, I try to think about what if our situations were reverse and I get that there is no excuse for what I did and I can't undo it and she is right to not forgive me, I did this to our family and I need to take responsibility, which I cannot begin to atone for."

"Mama I- I still at- least want to know why? You don't have to tell me everything but I just need to understand it all, why did you have the affair?"

"God Jesus-baby_" Lena cut herself off as a sob escaped her. this was really hard for her to talk about how could she explain her feeble-weak mindedness to her son, what impact would her injudiciousness have on the kind of young man he would grow up to be? Would he hate her once she explained that she destroyed her family over a simple thing as wanting to be somebody else, feel something else because for a moment the spark had gone out in her marriage, she didn't feel that stef was attracted to her anymore, that she felt stef thought of her as a failure for losing their baby. There was so much but none was a valid enough excuse for her doltishness… her own self compunctions.

"Look I know you and mom do things and keep something's from us to protect us but this one time we don't need protecting, I don't need protecting I just want the truth as much of it as you want to tell me, I know that raising five kids is no easy job, not to mention I have this ADHD disorder which hasn't been easy to deal with, with my agitated mood swings, and I know the medication isn't cheap also…. And then there is Marianna and Anna and the baby, I know you won't say it but you weren't happy when mom decided to help her with the baby were you? I mean she's my biological mom and all but you're my mom to and I know moms went behind your back and did it without asking you first but I think she did it more for us, Marianna and I than Anna and a part of me is grateful to you both and sorry at the same time that my real mother and her messed up life messed with our life."

"Jesus- honey- listen to me… your disorder or expenses has nothing to do with any of this and I wasn't that mad at mom for not telling me first, that's what I love about mom she's a good person with a good heart and she likes to help those in need, we talked about it and moved past it. Jesus what happened between mom and I has nothing to do with you, any of you all absolutely so go ask the others to join us, I'd rather speak to you all together, and I promise you and I will have a private talk another time."

Marianna, Jude and Callie walked slowly towards Lena after Jesus called them out. While Marianna held back a little Jude had no problem in falling into Lena's arms much like Jesus had."

"Le- mama I missed you."

Lena hugged him tightly and rocked him to and fro whispering her own comforting words and how much she missed him.

"Well get on with it explain it to us, tell us why?" Marianna said angrily.

"Marianna watch how you talk to her, she's our mother." Jesus shouted at her getting in her face immediately

"Figures you would side with her, but she hurt us."

"And she's sorry for that so give her a damn chance to explain and stop judging her we're all not perfect."

"That's just it she was supposed to be, she wasn't supposed to turn out to be an adulteress and lying cheating whore."

 **"JESUS! MARIANNA! YOU BOTH STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!"** Lena shouted approaching them both.

Marianna steups looking away and Jesus kicked at the dirt... "She started it." he snapped in reply

"And I want it to stop, you both should not be fighting amongst yourselves, if you're going to be mad at anyone then let it be me."

"Don't try to make yourself out to be some martyr for my benefit I'm just calling it how I see it." Marianna retaliated, her voice cracking a little with venom and hurt.

"Marianna if you will please just listen, all of you…. I- I don't know how to begin to explain any of this but it's my fault, the simplest reason that comes to mind is I guess we stopped communicating mom and I and it's ironic that we preach to you guys to openly communicate with us, with each other. But the truth is mom and I lost communication, I pushed mom away… it's that simple."

"Why?" Marianna asked

"Was it because of the baby?" Jesus asked

"Was it callie and I?" Jude asked

"Callie?"

"I'm just listening."

"Well?" Marianna snarled breaking the silence

"It wasn't because of you and Callie- Jude it was never and would never be about any of you but I-I think it was about the baby-at least I think so, I was hurting but I didn't know how to tell her, I felt at times to like i wanted the baby more than her, I forced mom hand when it came to the baby, she wasn't ready to have another but I wanted a baby so badly. I was happy that we had actually gotten pregnant and she was coming around to the idea of a baby all our own, I more than her wanted a baby all of my own. I love you guys all of you, I love being a foster mother to you all but I was only a mother in name, I wanted that real maternal connection, that feeling of completeness and I thought this baby would give me that but I think it just drove some kind of wall between mom and I. I felt like I was really the only one who wanted the baby and when I lost the baby well, I think I mistook mom's strength and need to console me as relief, I thought she was relieved and it got so big in my head, I lost clarity and my judgment was so clouded that I locked her out, I didn't talk to her, I didn't think she was hurting as much as I."

"Is that why you both argued so much of late?" Jude asked timidly

"Yes and no… I was lashing out more than anything and then I tried to bury it all by focusing on you guys and work, I used you all to distract me and then a stranger offered to listen and I figured her opinion would be unbiased. She wouldn't judge me, she would just listen."

"So she took advantage of you then?" Callie and Jesus snapped together

"No! No, she didn't."

"Figures you would defend your cheating lover… does she have a girlfriend, a husband?"

"Marianna please its nothing like that, she isn't my lover, she is a mistake, my biggest regret I wish I could take back." Lena said clearing her throat as she fought to keep her tears under control.

"Is it someone you and mom know, she said it isn't but I get the feeling that mom knows who she is?" Jesus asked gently

"Jesus-honey I can't tell you who she is, I have embarrassed mom enough and I have also embarrassed you guys, soon everyone will know I had an affair and I cheated on my wife, if you guys weren't part of the equation I could handle all the snide remarks and derogatory remarks, but I don't want you guys being bullied or made fun of because of me, I don't want you all distracted period so I am not sure I'll be able to come back to school, I'm just going to lay low and let it blow over in a couple months everyone will forget about it and you guys won't be the laughing stock, it's hard enough that you guys get ridiculed for having gay parents but I can't put you all through anymore."

"Certainly wasn't thinking about us when you started cheating on mom… what made you do it was she prettier…? Younger…?

"Marianna I'm warning you- and I don't care about what other people say, sure in the beginning I did but now I don't. Will you and mom try and work through this?" Jesus asked not caring that he was on the verge of tears

"Honestly I don't know if mom will forgive me, I understand why and I wouldn't force her to."

"Then you'll understand if I don't forgive you either, do you have any idea what you have done, you've destroyed our family, you made a fool of mom and us, I thought you guys were forever I never thought I'd have an adulteress for a parent, then again you're not my real mom anyway." Marianna spat out as she turned and walked away some, keeping her back to them as she shoulder began to shake softly.

Lena wanted to go after Marianna her words had cut deeply at her but she was stopped by Jude and Callie…

"She'll be fine just give her a few minutes." Callie said gently both her and Jude pulling her into a hug.

"Do you want mom to try and forgive, won't you ask her to?" Jude pleaded his tears flowing freely

"It has to be in her own time sweetheart I can't force her." Lena said shakily

"But that means if you guys don't get back together that we'll have to pick sides and if I had to choose I'd choose you." Jesus shouted at her before launching himself into her arms and Lena nearly lost her balance trying to steady them both, luckily Callie was still holding onto her left arm.

"NO! No! I won't hear of any of you choosing sides. Mom and I will talk, we'll work something out even if we're not together anymore, you'll still have us both, I'll still be there for you guys if you all want me to. I'll help out as much as mom will allow me."

"Brandon hates you," Jesus said angrily

"It's natural for him to hate me, I knew him as a little boy, he's known me as long as stef and I have known each other… a long time ago he made me promise not to hurt his mom like his dad, and I swore on my life i wouldn't intentionally- but that's just what I did… hurt him and his mother both very deeply and intentionally and- also I know that you- Callie and Jude are worried about going back into foster care and Marianna is going to keep to herself because I broke her trust and faith in me but you need to understand that I understand that…

You guys are entitled to feel hurt by me and it's alright if you're angry you're allowed to be angry because of what I did, because I destroyed our family. I don't love him any less, I'm sorry he didn't come today so I could say something to him let alone the fact that he is allowed to hate me all he wants and no matter what please believe that stef and I won't let Callie or you Jude go back into foster care though you guys do have a say in it, we'll make sure your voice is heard and it's going to be up to you to decide if you wanna stay with us even though there is a 95 percent chance we'll be apart we'll still be your mother's.

And it's going to be a while I hope not to long though before Marianna will come around, she'll open up… and you all especially you Jesus… I really need and want you all too just- you all have to be there when she does because she's going to need your broad shoulders to cry on and so will mom, you guys have to stay together and be there for each other."

"But what about you, who will help you? Is she-the woman going to be there?" Callie asked

"No- I ended everything with her, I have nothing to do with her I won't see her ever again."

"So you don't love her right- and you and mom can work through this?" Jude asked hopefully

"No! I don't love the other woman, I never did, I was weak and I realised it wasn't just some silly mistake- and sorry won't fix any of it but I hope with enough time mom and I will be able to face each other in the same room without all this hurt between us."

"So you guys are going to divorce for real?" Marianna asked breaking the small circle up. "Just freaking great first the separation, then the single parents looking to date again, then the damn stupid remarriages which leads to the ensuing step-parent and siblings- you just had to go and have an affair and make us part of that supposed to be "normal" divorce family life. It's not hard enough that we're adopted or that both our parents are gay… OH NO! You just had to take it a step further and make us divorcee children. Will we ever really belong in a normal family?"

"Marianna I know you're hurting and it's all my fault, god I wish I could go back and not do what I did."

"But you can't- why did you? How could you? Was it because of my biological mother and her baby, my blood baby sister? Were you really so unhappy with us, so depressed you lost a baby that you didn't see any reason to care anymore whether your actions would destroy us all?"

"I'm sorry_"

"_Sorry isn't good enough, do you have any idea what the after-effects of divorce are going to be like for us and how everything will never be the same? I never thought I'd have a parent who is an adulteress, I wanted the same life you and mom had together, big family, happily married-wait I guess it was a lie, and there is no happy ending for any of us, I'll never be able to trust anyone again, love is for fools and you certainly made a fool out of all of us."

" **MARIANNA- THAT'S ENOUGH!"** Jesus snarled pushing her square in the shoulders sending her to the ground.

 **"JESUS! STOP RIGHT NOW AND APOLOGIZE TO YOUR ! YOU ARE NEVER TO LAY A HAND ON HER AGAIN NO MATTER HOW MAD SHE MAKES YOU, YOU WERE BROUGHT UP BETTER THAN THAT YOUNG MAN, YOU DON'T LASH OR PUSH WOMEN EVEN IF THEY ARE YOUR SISTER. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"**

 **"SHE'S BEING HURTFUL ON PURPOSE TO YOU."** he shouted back

Lena replied calmly…"I know but it's her way of venting and it's easier for her to get things out this way I'm the reason for her anger and mistrust so its fine if she says what she has to say even if its hurtful it's the truth and I always want you guys to be truthful to yourself no matter what."

"You might accept it but I won't… you made a mistake, a grave one, we all do, as a matter of fact almost everyone does at some point… and yes I'm hurt but I know you are to, you and mom gave us so much, did so much for us, loved us when we were already broken, if she can forgive Anna and our grandparents for abandoning us then she can forgive you for being human also and she knows it… and you need to not be a door mat for her to walk on because…"

"Defend her all you want, you were always her favorite anyways but sooner or later you have to accept that she did a lot worse than just giving us up for adoption and it can't be forgiven just because she adopted us. You have to accept that she broke us even more than we were before."

"Marianna please stop… listen to your brother, I know all what you're going through, Jude and I both know what it's like to have your family broken, promises broken, happiness stripped right out from under your feet, we left one broken home after another… death… divorce never… there was no father but a step dad that didn't know jack about being a parent, our mother passed away and for a long time I shouldered the responsibility to be a sister and mother to my brother but - and ending up with stef and Lena changed that, it gave me a sense of peace, of belonging, real hope that they cared for us, they loved us and meeting you guys and Brandon have been so much more than what we could hope and ask for, for once we felt like normal kids, like part of a normal family, step siblings or whatever isn't that bad…

What matters is that you're a family and that means that Lena is still your other mom, hell your situation is way better than most you have three mothers now and a new step sibling, are you going to hate your sister because she's your half-sister, adopted sister whatever? Lena made a huge error in judgment but you can't crucify her for it, she has the right to want a child of her own, to want to experience being a real mother, not just maternally or on paper, she did the best she could with you and so what if she got a little selfish, the end results aren't what we all expected but she- sometimes you feel like you can't talk to that one person you should because honestly the words don't come easy, it takes times… she was in a vulnerable position and she did what any person in a weak moment do… she let go and let someone else in, albeit the wrong person and now she has to suffer the consequences.

I have been there... I've had a lot of weak moments, I couldn't talk to Jude- as a matter of fact I didn't really have anyone I could talk to and the one person who I thought I could trust ended up hurting me repeatedly, making me more distrusting of people but you hear stories and like me you end up believing that most of them is your fault…

I thought it was my fault for a long time but being able to talk to Lena and stef about it made me see that it wasn't all my fault but those that I know for sure are I try to do better and not take the easy way, because I know- I still do and I mess up trying to clean up the mess in the first place but I try even harder to fix it, because it affects my brother and seeing the disappointment on his face destroys me a little bit each time so I start again and keep trying till he says it's alright.

And I try for the other people I may have hurt-I try to regain that person or however many people I may have hurt trust above forgiveness… forgiveness should be given in that person's own time and Lena isn't expecting you to forgive her right now this instant but your situation is doable, you can get past this and one day forgive her. You will make mistakes you regret but will you have the courage to stand up and face them head on like she is doing?"

"You all may feel sorry for her but I don't, she did this to us. To mom, they weren't ever supposed to get a divorce, they were supposed to grow old together, always be together, and love each other always she is supposed to be better than a home wrecker." Marianna started to sob on the last word before running to the car blindly and getting in

Lena moved to go to her…

"No don't- just give her some time, let her calm down." Jesus said holding onto Lena's arm.

"I –I broke her, my little girl is broken all because of me."

"Just a little but she'll heal, trust me… I promise I'll look after her mama."

Lena herself was crying and all three remaining children hugged her tighter when she was able to get herself under control she hugged each one of them and begged them to take care of each other and especially Marianna until she was better.

"Maybe mom will try to work things out with you." Jude offered hopefully

"I- can't say I hope so… but It is a very high possibility it won't still stef and I divorcing should not affect you all. You guys are not babies anymore so you're going to have to learn to be a lot more independent and I believe in you guys, I believe you guys will definitely be able to make logical decisions without the effects of emotion, this isn't your life that's ruined, it isn't the end. Jesus you're a good person and I need you to believe that with your all because I believe that and I know so. You're all very good children, loving and kind. Don't let my mistake be the reason for your failure…And-so I need you all to encourage each other to just continue working with your school, keep your grades up and excel, you all need to keep on doing the stuff that you all were doing and don't ever let mom and my problems affect your life.

Also don't worry too much about finances for college, allowance money any of that I am going to still do my part as your other mother, stef might not want my help personally but it's something we're going to confront as sensible parents who are thinking of what's best for our children."

"When will you come home?" Jude asked the elephant in the room question

"I don't know but I don't want you or any of your brothers and sisters getting stuck in the middle of our situation."

"I feel like I won't be happy anymore." Jesus said

"God, No…! don't say that you will be, I know you feel like you don't know who or what to believe, but I need you all to be true to yourselves always, that's who you have to believe in, be angry, get mad- at me I did this to you all… so know that you won't turn out like me, you need to stick to your own ideals and your responsibilities, which is keeping your life on track, exceling in school, going to college, keep on being good son's and daughters- good sister's and brother's and one day fine young men and ladies, with a world of opportunities before you, you all have to stay on top and be positive about life, your life, learn from my mistakes."

"Will you and mom at least have a last family meeting and tell us your decision together." Jesus asked

"Yeah bud, we will that's one thing we won't deny you all, even though it will be hard to look you all in the face and especially mom and Brandon- I will because it's the right thing to do, owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibilities for hurting someone or those you love more than life itself."

"But you'll let me come and stay with you sometimes right, like vacation and maybe when I get mad at mom or Brandon or Marianna right?"

"As long as you let your mom know first… don't walk away angry with regrets you never know if it'll be the last time you see that person."

"Can I come to?" Jude once more asked timidly

"You all can come anytime you feel like it but ask mom first."

"So you're going to stay with grandma?"

"Just for a little while till mom and I make a final decision."

"You guys gonna have to sell the house?" Jesus asked still holding onto Lena.

"No, I'm not going to fight her on anything-certainly not for a house, the house belongs to you all and stef, I have no right to ask for anything."

"It's really just going to be a house now anyway."

"Jude I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you'll never know how sorry I am from the depths of my soul, as long as you all have each other's back and stef-mom is there it will still be a home for you all, it will always be your home with or without me, you guys have to make it work, have to make it so, so it's your happy place."

"I'm gonna miss you mama."

"Me to mama," Callie and Jude hugged her tightly as Jesus was yet to let go

"I miss you guys now even more, this is really hard for me to be away from you guys but it has to be this way."

She walked closer to the car, standing at the front passenger seat which Marianna occupied her head bowed…. "Marianna I hope that one day you can forgive me for disappointing you and breaking your trust in me."

"Yeah whatever-we'll see." She said rolling the window up and shutting Lena out again.

"You're really_" Jesus began

"_Jesus, relax, let her be angry, it's a good thing, it's actually healthy for her to be this upset, this way she can get past the pain of my betrayal and possibly forgive me one day… infact I hope you all can sincerely forgive me one day for breaking all your trust in me. I can't tell you all how ashamed I am."

"I'm sad mama but I'm not so angry anymore, we're human and you admitted you made a regrettable mistake so I am not going to begrudge you, I still love you and I do forgive you, at least you owned up to your mistakes unlike my real mother who ran away and that's more than I could want from a mother." Jesus said kissing her cheeks as he squeezed her tighter in his embrace.

"I agree with what he says, you're a good mom with flaws just like any of us and I to, do forgive you," Callie offered as she to hugged Lena tightly before stepping away

"I also forgive you mama and I still love you." Jude said with hug.

Lena broke then there at hearing her kids forgive her so easily, she and stef had really raised the lot well, it was more than enough to have them forgive except for Marianna and Brandon, but one day at a time, she would take and wait for them to forgive her. After another group hug, she ushered them to the car and urged them to be safe and drive safely home and soon she and mom would sit down with them for a last family meeting.

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AN: : : : : : 'Ello mates… I do apologize in advance for my lengthy absence and also getting this story back on track and done. I've had several start and stops, mostly due to my therapy, and impatience with myself. I forget I'm human and I can't heal in mere minutes or hours or a day as much as I wish I could.

Also the last chapter will be concluded soon maybe after my trip or during either way we'll have an ending also I apologize if this chapter disappoints some. Hopefully the last chapter will be up in a timing yeah and not as long as this period

Cheers.

Happy holiday to one and all and a happy new year as well.


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